Understanding
by MikeyCrazee
Summary: The members of the Clique try to understand each other and themselves *COMPLETE*
1. Paul's POV

Paul's POV  
  
I don't understand him. I've been friends with him for six years and I still don't understand him. I probably never will.  
  
He's changed a lot in the last year. Not that that's a bad thing. It's nice to have him more mellow, but I miss the old Shawn. The one who liked to party, the lady killer...most of all the one that was here with us.  
  
I can't understand how he can walk away from this, something he claims to love so much, so easily. He gives me this B.S. about how it isn't important to him anymore. He's a liar. I know it and so does he. I see the way he lights up when he's out there. He loves it, it's in his blood.  
  
I know his family is important to him, that I can understand. But a lot of the guys have families and they still do this.  
  
Maybe I'm being selfish...but damnit I can't help it! I want him here with us...with me. He's my best friend. Nothings the same without him. I LOVE him. I want to tell him that but I can't...he wouldn't understand. He never does. 


	2. Shawn's POV

Shawn's POV  
  
Paul just doesn't understand. He doesn't know how it is to love someone so much that you think about them all the time, all you want to do is be with them. I have a beautiful wife and son and all I want to do is spend time with them. He doesn't know what it feels like, he's never had that kind of love in his life...I hope he finds it one day.  
  
He says he can't understand how I can walk away from it so easily. To tell you the truth, I don't know how I do it either, but I do. Sure, I love the roar of the crowd, the adoration, the spotlight. But it's not what I live for anymore...I've got a whole other life outside the business, a life I love. And I've still got my hand in the business with my school and my promotion and I enjoy that...  
  
But I do miss the boys...Paul the most. He helped me through some hard times. Besides Rebecca he's my best friend in the world. I love him. But he's got to understand...  
  
I don't want to miss all the firsts in my son's life. I don't want to see his first steps on a video tape. I want to be there coaching him along, holding out my arms for him to walk into. I'm not going to be an absentee father.  
  
I've made a lot of mistakes in my life and I've screwed a lot of things up. I'm *not* going to screw this up...this is the best thing that's ever happened to me.  
  
I just wish Paul would understand... 


	3. Sean's POV

Sean's POV  
  
I don't get the two of them. I really don't. Paul bitches at Shawn because he's not around more. Shawn get's pissed and bitches at Paul because he doesn't understand. They're supposed to be best friends, but lately, everytime they get together, all they seem to do is fight. I always get caught in the middle...  
  
I understand where Shawn's coming from. I wish I'd have been around more when my kids were really small. I missed a lot. And Shawn saw that...he's heard me on the phone getting reports of what's happening back home, and he saw my sadness when I missed a special moment. BUt I have to support my family...and wrestling is all I know.  
  
I haven't had the easiest life. Not that I'm complaining, don't get me wrong. A lot of my problems I brought on myself. The drugs, ending up in rehab...I put my family through hell. And now I'm trying so hard to make it up to them...but for a while I thought I wasn't going to be able to, that I would be much use to them at all...  
  
When my neck was hurt I was sure everything was over. It scared the hell out of me. All I could think of was that I wasn't going to be able to take care of my family. If I couldn't wrestling anymore, I couldn't provide for them.  
  
They call me resilient because I came back from the injuries. It's not resiliency...it's me being scared to death and fighting as hard as I can to keep everything from being taken away from me. I'm scared everytime I step into that ring, but I keep going...because I have to.  
  
I feel so powerless sometimes. I'm no big star...I'm not big anything. I'm just Sean...The Kid. The one who goes out there and busts his ass, but nobody ever cares much about him. I'm the add on, the extra, the hanger on. I always have been...with Kevin and Scott, with Road Dogg and Billy, and even with Paul and Shawn. No body ever cares much about the little runt...he's just someone there to put them over...someone to step on on the way to the top. But they'd better be careful...because the people you step on on the way up are the same people you have to go by on the way down.  
  
So you see, I'd love to help out Shawn and Paul...but I have enough problems of my own to worry about. 


	4. Kevin's POV

Kevin's POV  
  
Why am I the one they always dump all their problems on? Just because I'm older than them doesn't mean I'm any wiser...not by a long shot. Sometimes I think Paul has a better handle on things than I ever have. He is the most responsible one of all of us after all.  
  
Now Paul and Shawn are butting heads because Shawn's backed out of the business some. And I know why Paul get's so mad at Shawn...because he envies him. He wants what Shawn has. A wife, a family...happiness.  
  
I admire Shawn for what he's doing. I'm proud of him. Hell, he was always the one we figured would never settle down. Now he's got his priorities straight. And to tell you the truth...I envy him too...  
  
My personal life isn't in the greatest shape right now. I tried so hard not to lose Tam, to hold it all together...but it didn't work. It kills me that I'm not with Tristan more. He's my pride and joy. I lost my father young and I know what it's like to grow up without your dad around. But I WILL be there for Tristan...no matter what.  
  
And then there's Scott...always Scott. I worry about him endlessly. He's my best friend and I still don't know what happened to him...what snapped inside him to make him do the things he has. I've tried to be there for him, but more times than not he's pushed me away...  
  
I don't understand Scott, I never will. He's a brilliant person. He was going to be a doctor. And now...what now? I don't know. He's trying, I know he is...and I pray every day the he makes it to where he wants to be.  
  
As I look back over everything that's happened...if there was one thing I could do over, I would've tried as hard as I could to keep the Clique together in one place...we need each other. More than anyone really knows... 


	5. Scott's POV

Scott's POV  
  
No one understands me. Hell, I don't even understand myself...  
  
I gave up a lot to get where I am. And where am I? Sitting here alone, no family, no nothing. My necks messed up, I can't work...I can't do anything. I'm useless.  
  
What everybody wants to know is...what drove me to drink, to do all the stuff that I did. I don't know. All I know is one day I realized that I hadn't been sober in three weeks, even when I was wrestling...and then I realized my family was gone. That's what made me wake up. Not Dana's public crusade to "save" me. That was a bunch of B.S. Knowing that I was about to lose my children, maybe forever, is what saved me.  
  
Kevin has tried to help me. But he's got problems of his own. Beside, I don't want help...I've got to do this on my own. I need to know that I was strong enough to help myself.  
  
Sometimes the pain is so bad, physically and mentally, that I want to turn back to the drink...to numb the pain. But I can't, I *won't*. I've got to pick up the pieces of my life and put it all back together.  
  
And it does get easier every day...the pain lessens and the strength builds. I now I can do it...I've found the faith to.  
  
The one thing that keeps me going besides my children...is knowing that my friends are there for me, whenever I need them. That helps more than any of them know.  
  
When wrestling is over for me I want to go back to school and finish my degree. I want to be a doctor...I always have. And I know that my friends will support me through that too.  
  
We may not all understand each other, but we all love and support each other, and that's what makes our friendship special.  
  
Paul and Shawn will work through their problems...and we'll all support Kev and Sean, just like they all support me.  
  
We have to, we need each other...and we always will. 


End file.
